Travel, Chafing, and Leanne

Just got back from a three-day business trip and am taking the clan to Disney tomorrow. TOMORROW. Gawd.

Yes, I got my miles in while on the road. No, I did not pack my running bra because I'm a dummy. Just like maxipads with wings, underwire bras result in EPIC CHAFING on a run of any significance. Could I please go a week without some part of my body rubbing off? Or could the Body Glide people please hose me down?

So, I'm off to dump out everyone's dresser drawers and throw a tantrum while packing to go to The Happiest Place on Earth. Instead of listening to me rant, check out Leanne Morgan -- my current favorite funny gal.

And YES, it would be better if I just embedded one of her videos but I've been trying for 15 minutes and did I mention I'm leaving town again in 12 hours? Stop judging!

iPad: the Maturity Test

So, is it me or is there a new guy naming products over at Apple these days?

The greatest computing invention of the decade, although it is only January, and they name it "iPad." Seriously? Come on, we're all thinking the same stupid jokes and laughing inanely:

Does iPad come with wings?

Is there an Overnight iPad for those really heavy workload days?

Do you prefer scented or unscented iPads?

I can speak like an adult about iPod, iPhone and even iChat. But I can never, ever own an iPad, because I would not be able to say the name without snickering like Beevis and Butthead. "Heh heh, you said PAD!"

If you haven't stooped to any feminine product jokes about the iPad, congratulations: you are officially a grownup. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a headache and some cramps -- gotta send hubs to the store to pick up some iPads and chocolate...

Speaking of feminine products, let me share with you today's life lesson:

Do not, DO NOT wear a maxi with wings on a five-mile tempo run. EPIC CHAFING. And I'm so self-aware that I didn't realize it until I entered the shower and felt like someone poured acid on my bikini line. Yeeouch!

On the plus side, I can run five miles, and that's not even my long run for this week. Proud!

The half marathon report: chub rub reigns supreme

First of all, to answer the burning question from the last post: The standard SPIbelt will hold three tampons and a Blackberry quite nicely. I drove to the race by myself, and got off to a great start by finding a parking spot with no trouble at all. The weather was ideal - a cool start but sunny and warming, with a breeze. Here's a blow-by-blow:

Mile 1: hanging with the 12-min mile pace group, mostly because the leader with the green hair was easy to spot in the crowd of 7000 marathoners and half marathoners. Feeling fantastic and no ankle pain at all.

Mile 2: who needs a pace group? I feel great.

Mile 3: first pit stop and a quick thank-you to the makers of SPIbelts and portajohns. Back with Green Hair again - apparently I wasn't THAT far ahead of him.

Mile 4: my time is actually faster than the four-miler race of two weeks ago. Little Voice in my head announces that this is NOT GOOD, maybe I should slow down. I invite LV to shut her piehole.

Mile 5: realize I forgot to apply Body Glide to my chub rub. Somewhere along the course is a guy wearing hula costume, complete with gigantic inflated boobs with teeny shells - I crack up.

Mile 6: euphoric - almost halfway. At this rate I will set a PR for this course and for all half marathons. I am Queen of the Universe!

Mile 7: LV had a point. I am running out of energy. Extreme chafing distracts me enough that I have no idea if my ankle hurts or not.

Miles 8-10: lots of walk breaks and extreme chafing. I knew babying the ankle had hit me pretty hard in the endurance department but this is starting to get depressing.

Mile 11-12: walking most of the time. Everyone is passing me. EVERYONE. I manage a few spurts of jogging just so a couple old enough to be my grandparents doesn't get ahead of me. I'm pretty sure my chub rub is bleeding.

Mile 13: demoralizing. I've heard about "the wall" and have now run smack into it. I'm not out of breath or anything, but just can't pick up my legs and run. But I am going to finish this race!

The Big Finish: Coming around the final turn, my husband jumps out of the crowd into the road. I am so surprised I stop. He yells, "What are you doing? Finish it strong! Pick up your feet and RUN!" That was music to my ears and I ran -- well, shuffled -- across the finish. He gave me a gigantic hug and made a huge deal about how well I did, even though it was clear that I crapped out at the end. Instantly, those torturous last miles don't seem so bad.

My finish time was a personal worst. Which sucks since for the first half of the race I was on target for a PR. But, in the end, I had zero ankle pain for 13.1 miles, so I know my rehab work for that ankle was on target. And I learned a lot:

1. Heed the Little Voice. Going out fast when I know -- I KNOW -- endurance is an issue is a big mistake.

2. Do not leave for a run without Body Glide. Ever.

3. Hubs always comes through, and knowing someone is cheering for you changes everything.

4. I have a lot of endurance work to do before May (my next half).

5. A guy in a hula outfit can cheer up just about anyone.

Surprisingly, soreness is almost a non-issue after this race. I was careful about recovery -- 15 mins walking, lots of water and gatorade - and this is the least pain I've had after a half. If I didn't have any chafing I think I would be pain-free. That's right, the chub rub was so bad that I now have SCABS on my inner thighs.

Sexy me!