School's almost out and it's KILLING ME

What has happened to the last week of school? It is a nightmare, that's what. Stuff is going on every. single. day. This is nuts! I'm self-employed, so I have a little schedule flexibility, but still this is insane.

Here is the family schedule when you have an elementary student and a jr high student in this neck of the Overscheduled Woods:

Friday

• Jr High field trip to amusement park - BTW, the school allowed a kid who is not a student go on this trip. Excuse me? I've busted my tail on fundraisers and now we're adding to the guest list? And, is this kid an axe murderer? I feel a letter coming on.
• Elementary spring program - Singing and squeaking clarinets, O Joy. I laughed while the beginning band played because I am The Worst Mom Ever.
• Swing by Sam's Club for industrial size Excedrin bottle
• Emergency shopping trip because Abner has outgrown all swimwear in the house and Hank is down to one pair of pants that are still long enough - What are we feeding these kids?

Monday

• Jr High exams start - Which should tell you how the weekend went. Me, downstairs, yelling at the ceiling: "Turn off the iPod and study already!"
• Jr High cookout - So Hank comes home hopped up on root beer.
• Elementary swim party - Hence the aforementioned swimwear emergency.
• Race to complete invention for elementary project, due tomorrow - DH was in charge of this and spent three hours last Saturday. They still didn't finish. Are you kidding? Three hours is enough time for an invention, a couple of Spirit Week costumes and maybe a diorama if you hustle.

Tuesday

• Jr High exams and THANK GOD nothing else today for Hank.
• Elementary "Invention Convention" in the gym - come see what all the little darlings have invented and listen to their speeches. Let's be honest, shall we? I don't care what your kid made. I just want to look at my kid's stuff, make the appropriate noises, and LEAVE.

Wednesday

• Jr High exams continue
• Elementary kickball tournament - I know. I don't get it, either.
• Speed-shopping trip to the store because Abner has outgrown her sneakers and her dress shoes.

Thursday

• Jr High exams - last day!
• Elementary Field Day - BTW, school guys, when I write on my volunteer form that I don't want to be a team leader, it's because I DON'T WANT TO BE A TEAM LEADER. We won't have a cheer ready by noon and we sure won't have the memorization done yet because, like the 5th graders, I'm in it for the games and the Kool-Aid. You've been warned. My team will suck. Go, Aqua!
• Diving class

Friday

• Jr High awards program - I can always hope!
• Jr. High cookout
• Elementary awards program - Again with the hope...
• Leave for long weekend trip to the wilderness, because I've been able to pack for a family of 4 in my SPARE TIME this week. Wonder what I'll lose on the kayak trip THIS year?

Probably my sanity...

Where is the "running" portion of our program? Well, there isn't one this week thanks to a -- you guessed it -- school activity. I was rushing around a week ago to help with a fair and 5K at school and neglected to change into running socks before the 5K. Massive blister has me sidelined, which, now that I think about it, might be why I'm so stressed.

Ah, springtime.

The Indy not-so-Mini

All right, so this race was in MAY and it is now JULY (though this post is in my May timeline because I started in May, and just finished it now - confused yet?). Stop judging me, and here we go...

The "Indy Mini" is the largest half marathon in the U.S., with something like 36,000 runners and walkers. Here's the story of one:

My teenage daughter, Hank, and I drove to Indianapolis on Friday so we wouldn't have to get up on race day at three-thirty in the morning. We stayed home last year and, because we witnessed a highway crash and stopped to help, almost missed the start of the '09 race. So, a hotel this year.

Here's how Friday went:

7:30 am - Deliver Hank and Abner to school

8:00 am - Throw myself on the mercy of Trainer Ryan, who "went easy" on me because of tomorrow's race. Ryan is half my age, 100x fitter, and obsessed with Halloween.

10:00 am - Run a couple of errands, pack for the trip.

11:30 am - Pick up Hank from school; she is sick and throwing up. What the school neglects to mention is that she is also upset because she thinks I won't let her run the Mini tomorrow if she barfs. So she's horking and hysterical.

12:30 pm - Having talked Hank in off the ledge, I get her to take a nap while I finish our packing. While she sleeps, her grandmother and I plot our if-Hank-is-too-sick-to-run contingency plans.

4:00 pm - Drive a pale-but-recovering Hank to Indy.

5:00 pm - Check in at the Sheraton. Fortified with chicken nuggets, Hank is much improved. The hotel guy who checked us in tries his best to get 5'7" Hank to tell her age. She just smiles at him. If he knew she was only 14, I hope he would be ashamed of himself. Surely the five pounds of eyeliner is a dead giveaway that she's a KID. And he should be very thankful that Hank's Marine Uber-Dad was not there to get offended and kill him on the spot.

Let's pause here for a shout-out to the Sheraton City Centre in Indianapolis. Aside from Desk Guy On The Make, this hotel was fabulous! We had the most amazing night's sleep and we were only a few blocks from the start line.

On race day, we met 36,000 of our closest friends at the start line:

And we ran this course. See the oval in the top left of the map? That's a lap of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Very cool!

Since we've already talked about barf and horny desk clerks, I'll spare you a mile-by-mile breakdown of this half marathon. Here's all you need to know:

1. At mile 10, I realized I had not walked AT ALL, not even at water stops (though I got water up my nose in two near-drowning incidents). Big smile from here all the way to the end.

2. No shuffling at the finish. I wasn't sprinting, but I wasn't limping either.

3. I beat my personal best for this half marathon by 13 minutes. That's right, I shaved 13 minutes off my best half marathon time! Not too shabby for a 40-year-old chub who loves donuts.

4. Hank didn't run well, for her, and she beat me by less than a minute. Yes, I know she had been sick but still - I almost caught my kid today!

5. If you must know, my time was 2h 44m. I'm not setting any speed records but I ran the entire way, so Yay Me! My new goal is to get to 2h 30m. Maybe next year!

And finally, if you made it all the way to the end of this post, your reward is a pic of me, being a dork at the finish. Enjoy!

I did it! (more to come later)

Thanks for all the kind words and support! I not only survived yesterday's half marathon; I totally smashed my PR and finished THIRTEEN MINUTES FASTER than last year. I'm still slow compared to most runners, but this year I was the pass-er in the last miles instead of the pass-ee. No walk breaks, not one!

What a feeling! I'll get my thoughts organized and blog all about the experience. Right now I need more advil.

Awesomeness!

Counting down and freaking out

So, no blogging. Because I am losing my marbles. The Indy Mini is Saturday.

As in the day after tomorrow. THE DAY AFTER TO-MOR-ROW.

As in what-was-I-thinking-this-is-gonna-hurt.

I haven't run in a week, and that run was crap. Hank and I are going to spend the night in Indy on Friday, so I'll have to pretend to be all, whatever, in order to not rub any of my crazy off on my kid.

Gah! Freaking out. Just freaking OUT. And knowing that I do this before every. single. half. doesn't help.

Back up people, hefty gal hyperventilating here...

Random kid-isms

Hank and Abner, my lovely girls, are now 14 and 10 years old. Hank is already taller than I am, and Abner is well on her way.

Over the years, they've had some interesting things to say, and already I'm having a hard time keeping track of who said what. Some of these kid-isms bear repeating...

"Ewww! This tastes like the smell of a cow!"

[Abner, loudly voicing her opinion of a cheese sample]

"Oh, yeah? You want a knockin' in the breadbox?"

[Hank, around age 5, trying to trash-talk her Marine Sgt dad]

"Keep it up; I'll drop a pin."

[Sweet little Abner, standing up to a mean boy in her class with this, her version of a grenade threat. You read that correctly: grenade. Yep, we got a call about that one. Marine Dad thought it was hysterical.]

"Shakemilk." "Nailtoes."

[Hank, age 2, transposing all compound words. We were convinced she would turn out to be dyslexic.]

"This tastes like a package of awesome!"

[Abner, enjoying a cake sample she liked much better than the aforementioned cheese.]

"Oooo, look... Carrots from the olden days!"

[Abner, upon spying carrots at the grocery store that still had the leafy green stems attached.]

"You knew Abraham Lincoln, right?"

[Young Hank, to me, while studying for a history quiz.]

"Wow, Mommy, you gots a big butt!"

[Abner, in a porta-potty with a line of 100 now-laughing people.]

These girls have made me laugh, cry and scream (in both the good way and the bad). The way I love them takes my breath away, even though sometimes I might not like them very much in the moment (hello, girlie hormones, and thanks ever so much for turning my angels into Brides of the Anti-Christ). Any minute they'll be grown and gone, out on their own, and I miss them already.

My girls! I love 'em to pieces.